Ok, it's high time for a check-in. It's been quite a year in regards to my journey with food and exercise. I've posted on this blog exactly one time in the last year, and it's been to say "hey guys, I'm getting back into this stuff!" Except I kind of didn't.
An overview of my food/exercise stuff:
I ate paleo - strict paleo - for about 3 months, and mostly paleo for another 2 after that. I worked out fastidiously for the same 3 months - sometimes twice a day - and really, truly enjoyed it. It was great for me. I lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of confidence, and... well, if you want the skinny (pun!), there are a bunch of other articles on this blog that talk about it.
But, like I talked about in my last blog post in June, I moved to Los Angeles and fell off the wagon. Oops.
The thing is, the timing in Boston was *perfect* for this stuff. I was on my way out, about to move across the country. I was only working at my clinic 3 days a week, and I was at my private practice (which was very flexible) one day a week. I had all the time in the world to focus energy on cooking elaborate meals, and it was easy to commit to daily exercise. I was in incredible health, and I felt great... but I didn't have much of a life. I found myself telling people I was unavailable for social engagements so that I could have more time to cook whatever was on my menu for the evening.
When I moved back to Los Angeles, that just wasn't realistic anymore. Instead of getting ready to move, I was rebuilding a whole life. Rather than cook elaborate paleo meals, I wanted to be able to go out to eat and indulge a little bit. I wanted to enjoy my life. Here are some things I wanted to do:
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| Go to the movies |
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| Play on the beach |
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| Mischievously cuddle a goat at the County Fair |
Sounds pretty healthy, right?
Well... no, because I was still pretty entrenched in a world of "shoulds". I should eat paleo. I should not indulge in non-paleo treats - ever. I should get up at 6 AM to exercise even though I know I'll be exhausted later. I should cancel my plans to do the right thing for my health. But did I do this stuff? No. I was too busy living life.
Don't get me wrong - I ate pretty well a great deal of the time. I always had "paleo sensibilities." And I explored a lot of different kinds of exercise. I would go to the gym sporadically, but never for more than about 2 weeks before falling out of the habit. And I would do crazy "challenges." (Thanks very much, all-or-nothing-programmed-brain...)
The most successful one was to exercise for 100 days in a row without missing a day to get myself back in the habit. It was going pretty well, too, until I sprained my ankle playing tennis and then did nothing athletic for about 2 months.
Here's the rub: I felt awful most of the time. Not physically (though the sprained ankle, admittedly, was not my favorite moment), but emotionally. I was constantly judging myself, berating myself, losing willpower and then punishing myself by feeling bad for several hours afterwards.
So 2015 is the year I figure all this stuff out. I no longer eat paleo. That was the first step. I seem to be eating a lot of vegetables lately because that's what makes my body feel good, but I'm definitely not a vegetarian either.
I'm trying to figure out a sensible approach to exercise. I restarted Couch to 5k, and I just finished week 1. I'm hoping to sign up for a race at the end of April or thereabouts to encourage me to keep going. And my dad got me some personal training sessions for Hanukkah so I can get some assistance mastering strength-oriented workouts.
As far as food, I'm working on that too. I'm not dieting. At the moment, I'm mostly trying to eat sensibly but also allow myself to indulge a bit. I might gain a couple of pounds back while I figure that out, but that's ok. My priority right now is not to lose weight, but rather to fix my relationship with food, exercise, and body image. I'm going to read some books and articles, have some conversations with people who have been on and conquered this journey, and learn how to live a healthy lifestyle that's good for me emotionally, good for me physically, and sustainable in the long-run, even if I want to do fun things outside the house instead of spending all my spare time cooking.
Right now, there are a few books on my list:
Losing Weight is a Healing Journey by Katrina Love Senn
In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan
If anyone has any other book (or article or blog or podcast or whatever) recommendations, I'd love to hear them.
So that's the goal. I think this blog, even though it wasn't tailored for this originally, is where I'm going to post developments and things I learn along this journey. Good times. Here goes nothing.
